… Guys, the toilet seat goes down. It’s not that hard a concept to grasp. Really, it isn’t.

I’m not that girl that tries to change her boyfriend. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating him; he’s a nerd who plays video games. Sure I joke with him about how much he plays and such, but it’s all in fun. But seriously, I draw the line at the toilet seat.

He’s visiting me while I’m at my dad’s house. There’s three bathrooms, one of which he never uses because it’s the master bathroom and he’s got no business in my dad’s room. For the past two days, anytime I go into either of the other two bathrooms, the toilet seat is up. I know he’s a guy and all but seriously, both bathrooms with the toilet seat up? That’s a bit much.

And come on, you have to put it up to use it, why not put it back down when you’re done? No, really, do that.

Okay, so I’m not actually sitting on the dock of the bay, but pretty close. I am in the Tampa area. However I’ve been pretty much at the bay for the past two weeks with Dad in Tampa General.

They never tell you that it’s expensive for the visitors to actually visit the people in the hospital. Eight dollars for parking everyday, unless you make the trip to the parking office between 9 and 4 on weekdays to get the $4 a day pass and $3 for the toll roads plus whatever you buy for food at the hosptial so lets just say anywhere from $11 – $15 a day.

But the good news is he’s home for the moment. Released Friday actually. And that’s where the good news ends. It’s lots of waiting and jumping every time the phone rings. Is it LifeLink? Do they have a liver? Is dad okay? Is he drinking too much (he’s on a strict fluid restriction). Etc.

And now, because he’s out of the hospital and his wife is home, I am feeling a bit useless. I mean, when he’s in the hospital, it’s like I have a reason to be here. I’m with my dad, making sure everything’s good and letting her take time for herself, but when he’s not, I’m just kind of sitting here taking up space, eating their food, using their internet, etc.

And now B’s coming down. That’s just odd to begin with. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and miss him terribly but at the same time, this isn’t my house, and it’ll feel weird with him here. Then there’s the fact that everyone knows I’m going to make the move to Canada and they’re all pretty much against it because they like me and want me to move here. I swear, it’s like everyone wants me to move to where they are. Where were all these people a few years ago when I had the money to move?

But it’s a nice day out today, the first time it’s actually been warm in a while and I’m going to enjoy it. And enjoy the fact that right now, I’m not actually sitting on the dock of the bay, but at my dad’s house with him in it.

I’m sitting here, waiting. My bags are mostly packed and I am not looking forward to this drive, this trip, this anything. I don’t want to go. But then that would make me a horrible daughter, wouldn’t it?

My father is in the end stage of liver failure. He’s dying. I love him, but I don’t know if I can take it. I know I promised I’d be there. That I would help him through this, but I don’t think I can.

Packing was a tedious process. What do I take? Hell if I know because I don’t even know how long I’m going to be there. Best case scenario, once I get there we’ll get the call that they have a liver, he’ll be transplanted and I’ll be back in 6 to 8 weeks. Worst case scenario, besides him dying, this drags on for months. I would say a year, but the doctors didn’t give him that long a few months ago. My life is on hold. Pause button pressed.

I feel the need to say this. My father is not a drunk. He didn’t drink his liver to death. He has a rare genetic disorder, Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. Bad genes from his parents.

So here I am, dreading tomorrow.

I’m back in the wordpress world. That’s right, I’m blogging again. But at the moment, I’m still configuring things and trying to get everything just right before I start. So here goes nothing.

I’m going to take the liberty of importing a few posts from my livejournal (and editing them for things that no longer exist, ie various sites I’ve had that I updated and such). It makes sense, mainly because most of those posts were from my other blogs from back in the day, when I used moveable type and my first wordpress installations.

Side Note: Going through the lj entries reminded me of my love for the Gilmore Girls, so here it is 3:54 pm on January 26 and a marathon is starting. I’m wondering what my reaction to season 1 will be. It’s been a long time.

Tonight, I’m recording Bones and watching Flash Forward. I wonder if it’ll hold my attention. I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t for the simple fact, I love Bones. And also, I’m already recording one program on Thursdays: Fringe. Seriously, I hate FOX. Why did they have to put Fringe up against Supernatural? Why?

Flash Forward and Supernatural play by play reactions